If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
