Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
