I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
