I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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