Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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