good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Found the puke drawer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
