They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
