Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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