I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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