Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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