friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
