Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hippo gnu deer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
