I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
