Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
