you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
