i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
