Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
