Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
