did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
