Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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