His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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