I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
