I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
