My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
