Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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