i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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