I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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