It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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