i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
