Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
