That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
