Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
