oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
