too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
