I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
