Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
