ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
