I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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