When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
