exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you remember whose house we're in?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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