And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
