my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
