How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize