I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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