i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A+ Viking dick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
