I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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