I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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