I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
