Don't you send me to vm
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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