I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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