how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
